MONEY NO ENOUGH?

Recently, I caught myself into a conversation with few of my classmates about financial issue, a topic that I've always try to avoid. What made us started that topic was because we were lamenting about how slow was the PTPTN loan to enter in our bank accounts and that we are owing the college fees.

What surprises me is that, too often we are so caught up and drown with the things of the world and slowly without us realizing, we take every little thing for granted and not being thankful of what we have.

Friend Y started: "Why is PTPTN taking so long to bank in our account? Do you know that I just asked my mom to increase my allowances?! Where got enough nowadays.."

Me: "wah, do you mind telling increase to how much?"
Friend Y: "From RM700 to RM800".
Me: (Jaw dropped) "That's alot. Tak cukup meh?"
Y: "Of course not enough la..need to pay rent,need to eat, need transport..." (her rent is only RM150)
Friend S: "Yalor, that's alot. Mine only RM500-RM600 (exclude rental)"
Me: (Jaw dropped again)"That's also alot leh!"
Y replied to S: "Aiya, you every weekend also go back hometown mah, can eat at home, my hometown very far, have to eat outside leh during weekends."

Then Friend L said: "Wah, you all ah. I go back every weekend also my allowance only RM300-350."
To not make Friend L feel so bad about her low-allowance, I told her that I think majority of the student's allowance is also between RM300-400. Since I was in the conversation, I knew I had to say something. So before they asked, I said: "You all ah, better be thankful. I got no allowance from parents at all. I'm self-finance. Of course my working brother and sister got give me a little bit of pocket money, and I help my aunt during the weekends then she gives me some pocket money also. PTPTN also tak cukup. But at least that can pay my fees. But thank God provide and I survived."

Well, I expected silence. This is not the first time. Sometimes I felt that they don't believe what I say because their reaction was like: "Are you sure don't get any allowances? Then how you survive?!"

Seriously, I also don't know how I survived. Yes, sometimes I do go for outings, makan-makan, shopping. But that was done by saving up a portion first, or I make sure it's necessary. I do get ashamed, and frustrated at times when friends ask me to go makan/ outing/ kai-kai and my reason is 'no money' but yet I want to fellowship and have fun with them.

3 days ago, the PTPTN loan was banked into our accounts. Today, RM3k just gone in a blink of an eye. I have to admit that I feel sad that I don't have the luxury like my friends do, to use the extra bit from that loan to go shopping/makan-makan or outings. But I'm glad and thankful that I can use that amount of money to pay up all my debts (which include college fees, rentals, bills, groceries...)

At times, I do feel guilty about myself. I thought 'I should study harder so that I can get good grades and get a scholarship so that I don't need to apply loan so that I don't need to owe and pay back people so that the other hard earn incomes I can use to buy my stuff...or shouldn't study and just go work to earn money for the family and bla..bla..bla..'

But to think of how God really provides for all my needs all these while, even times when I left only with coins, it's really beyond my understanding.

Learning to be a good steward of God. :)